end of life…! (Photo credit: { pranav })

I find life to be very interesting these days, it seems it was so much easier back in the day when I was younger and more gun ho! When I worked construction I made a decent living and had pretty much everything in life I wanted (when I was sober). I don’t recall it being so confusing and hard to make a living like it is today!

Back in the day you didn’t have to monitor all of your thoughts and every thought didn’t have a meaning it was just a thought that usually left as quickly as it came. TV use to be fun to watch and entertaining to the point were you could just sit back and have a great laugh. Shows like I love Lucy had no hidden message and it was just plain old funny!

Everything today is conspiracy related and it seems people are closets bigots hiding behind avatars while posting their hate messages on every little subject they disagree with just for attention!

Politics and Religion are fighting for the same audience and the same money it seems for both sides have it’s fair share of crooks I am sure. Facebook is so popular that I actually believed I had all of these friends in my life until I realized I spent the majority of my time and my life speaking to people I have never met and I never really have phone conversations today.

Since I don’t drink I don’t go out or get invited to go out simply because I don’t drink and have a social life and when I do go out it is so noisy and the people are so drunk they claim to forget everything that happened the night before and being the drinker I was I know a bullshit lie when I hear it and I recall it is better known as selective memory.

Dating is harder then ever and so many people have rules and regulations and God forbid you don’t meet each and everyone of these standards and financial security seems to be a top priority too and I get when you get to a certain age in life it is important but lets face it we were just hit hard and half the world was affected by the recession so what are you really wanting from a date is more of a financial security blanket for yourself then your date.

On top of it all suddenly people think if they act like virgins then they will be treated like virgins and in today’s world it seems like the only virgins around are actually in elementary school  simply because sex among teens seems to be more popular today then for actual adults or at least they are more open to it then the adults who try and act like they don’t want it and use it as a instrument for getting what they want in life and try to call it Love for it seems Love today is a lost art and more of a open commodity that is traded on the stock market of Hollywood Celebs and Professional Athletes after all if you are a woman and get lucky and land one chances are you will be set for life.

Take a look at Tiger Woods ex wife he cheated and before the dust was settled she filed for a divorce and as far as I know Marriage counseling was never a choice for the time had come to collect on Millions of Dollars was more important then working on a relationship that was supposed to be about love and not the Love of money but like I said the Love of money seems to be the biggest reasons for marriage today! After all what sane person buys a beautiful multi million dollar home and bull doze it down to simply build another home on the same piece of property and so I say crazy is as crazy does.

I guess not everyone will agree with what I have to say and what I write but as far as I know at this point in my life all the people who disagree with me don’t pay any of my bills and from what I can tell no matter what you say or do in life someone will always be there to disagree with what others say simply because that is what gets them off from what I can tell, if you think I am wrong read some of the comments left behind on head line news story’s from places like yahoo news! It never fails even the most positive story gets negative comments! So why would I think different?

Maybe I should have called this a rant and rave but then again I am the one doing the writing and I am the one who takes responsibility for all of my actions and accept my outcomes in life, I guess that is why I am in the situation I am in today and get the results I get but that is all I know in reality and if I was to say it wasn’t so then I would only be lying to myself and that will never happen!

When I was on Oprah‘s Life Class people all over the World Stood up and said how brave I was and in reality I was dying a slow death and needed help and being brave had nothing to do with it for when a person is in such pain they eventually get help and that is all I did!

I feel I operate mostly on raw emotions and some say it is good and some say it is bad I have no say for it is just what I do and why I do it I have no clue!

I realize I speak before I think and I heard once “it enters my mind and rolls off my tongue” and I so have to agree with that statement for it is true for me after all!

I had a good friend who suddenly stopped all communication with me as a matter of fact she was one of my oldest and dearest friends and was there for me when I had no other friends and to this day I have no clue why that happened nor did I ever ask I just let it be for only she knows the answer to that and when I look back on my life very few people I called friends actually ever called me or even came by to visit with me it seemed as though if I never called them or went bu to visit with them I would have never seen them and to prove my point right before I knew I was going on Oprah’s Life Class I deleted every phone number I had including family and it was very clear to me they have no interest in calling me or seeing me for I have yet to hear from them!

If you want to see who your real friends are delete all of your numbers and see who actually calls you and how long it takes for them to call you then you will know the truth! I am sure a lot of you have friends who will call you the next day so if you think I am lying go ahead and delete all of your contacts and see what happens!

I realize I might not be the best friend in the world but then again I do what I was taught and programmed to do in life by some one else and so I wont take all the blame juts the part I want to accept for today because tomorrow might be a different story!

Life in general kinda sucks for the job I should be grateful for barley pays my way in life and I find myself struggling in life and then I find it odd that I can coach others to see what they can’t see and need to see by simply sharing the experience and wisdom I have received  from all the years of my life that has involved many trails and tribulations, that  God apparently wanted me to go through in order for others to benefit from while I seem to still struggle or maybe it is just a figment of my imagination but it is still my imagination so for me it is real and I still have to deal with it the best way I can!

I find it odd also that people who are doing much better then me in life when it comes to finances still want everything from me for free and it is not there fault it is entirely mine because I have this big old mushy heart that wants to give everything a way for free simply because It was freely given to me or was it?

Maybe this should have just been a personal journal entry but if that was the case God would not have put it on my heart to feel a need to share this as I write it out and so I shall.

My life is like an open book and many have said it was a great thing I did but I wonder why I feel it was great for everyone but me?

Why do I have all of these thoughts and feel a need to always want to share them on places like facbook and twitter and now wordpress. I wonder some times why people actually like reading what I have to wrote for a lot of times it seems to make no since to me, but whatever reason it is God apparently knows the reason and it is not for me to question or is it I wonder?

After all dare do I say I question his existence at times for that is the biggest conspiracy of all time and from the beginning of time!

I salute the people who question if there really is a God for it is my belief that is one of the greatest honors man can actually pay to “God” or the “Universe” because to this day no one can prove God does not exist just question if there is a God or not!

I love the might preaches or so called believers who say they have 100% faith that there is a God and then Preach to you about this wonderful God they have and then turn around and condemn everyone else’s God and their beliefs and so much as go to War and Kill in the name of their God who is supposed to be a Kind, Loving and Forgiving God!

Even the KKK and other raciest so called  humans of the world have a God they follow and oddly enough it is a Great and Might God but not for everyone apparently and they wonder why so many people have a problem with Believing there is a God in this Crazy as World! After all it was Human Beings (Man) that  Crucified a man for nothing more then walking around and sharing a message about love and kindness to his fellow man and  those words got his beaten and killed for no other reason so I have to ask myself why is man so crazy, dangerous and greedy? and all the rest feel they are saints and their God is the only God and you will die if you believe it is not so!

I have sat in many churches and listen to many sermons that just seemed odd to me especially when I walked in and no one greeted me or when I felt like I was not good enough simply because of the way I dressed or the person I walked in with was not of the same race as the church we walked in and visa versa! I know I know that doesn’t happen in your church right?

I guess I am getting carried away but then again these are my thoughts for today and the as long as I can remember I have had thoughts like these and so I guess they will continue until the day I die so there is no need to be ashamed of them or deny them like I will not deny my faith and my Higher Power after all I never said I didn’t have a Higher Power and if you have so much faith then do me a favor and hop in a boat in go in the middle of a lake or ocean and take a walk with that God you claim to have so much FAITH in! After all he said to his disciples little faith do they have who were actually hanging out with him and here you are trying to tell me you have more faith then them? Come on get real with yourself and stop lying to yourself and realize you are just as human as the next guy!

So I guess this is a rant and rave huh! (LOL)

Well it looks like my head is clear and free of all the craziness that goes on in my world and in case you are wondering I am usually the guy who say what others will deny and hide within themselves like it is a good thing when it is better to let go and let God if you really have one for he Knows all anyways right?

Related articles

• When will the madness end? (soberidentity.com)
• The Fighting Life: Chris Leben Is out of the Shadows & Ready for War (bleacherreport.com)
• Need Clarity with Your Life Goals, Create a List! (ariannasrandomthoughts.com)
• 9/11/01: A Day to Remember (christinehammondcounseling.wordpress.com)